Saturday, January 21, 2012

THE GRANNIES “Hot Flashes”, 2009



(Wondertaker Records)

Turn up your hearing aid and take your pills because The Grannies have returned to sprinkle their latest offering of punk-n-roll all over us.   Their tongue in cheek humor is first evident at the moment of setting eyes of the Danzig inspired album cover.  Through their false teeth the band spit out a bad attitude that is accepted as the norm for old folks in their retirement lodgings in the catchy rocker“My Middle Finger says You’re Wrong”.

“Don’t Thank Me, Thank Yourself, ” and “Fast Mike” are cause for suspicion that someone out there swapped their meds for amphetamines due to the songs’ exhilarating pace.   “Brain Freeze” is down in the Guiness Book of Records as the fastest punk song ever to feature a guest violin player..   It’s not all about speed though as the band slow down to work in guitar solos on the hair metal tinged “Bag of Hammers”.

The cover songs are all great choices, you didn’t know better you’d swear even the Pink song “U + Ur Hand” was a Grannies original.   The cover of Leather Nun’s “No Rule” is admittedly closer to the Turbonegro version than the original. Unfortunately “Hot Flashes” isn’t an album without its weaknesses.  Stop and skip buttons on CD players were invented to pretend the horrid violin-inclusive Dylan inspired eight-minute dirge closing the album doesn’t exist.    


3/5

The Grannies on facebook

Friday, January 20, 2012

The Rudy Schwartz Project - Bowling for Appliances



(DC Jams)

Bowling For Appliances [8/12] *

One-man bands while often great fun live tend to lose their magic on the recorded version.  Joe Newman’s Rudy Schwartz Project resolved this problem by bringing in a number of guest players ranging from a number of different vocalists to a kazoo player. Song names such as “Lynyrd Skynyrd Memorial Tractor Pull”, “Bob Eubanks Initiation Ritual and Subsequent Cumbia” and “A Sandwich for Adolph” lend more than a clue of what’s in store on this re-release of this four track recorded album.  On “Bowling for Appliances”, an adult-sized triple scoop of Frank Zappa insanity has been channeled through a Casio keyboard.

There’s a feeling of surprise even after repeated listenings as the music goes from showtunes to recycled 50’s or 60’s TV advertisements to rap.  Subversiveness often comes through in the lyrics, like when Joe sings about frozen turds on a stick, which listeners will find either childish or appealing.   Michael Jackson references are made through high-pitched singing on the rap tune “The Fog and The Dew”.  Joe has the strange ability to simultaneously crawl under the skin and entertain on both the shouted part of “Waltz of The Mortgage Bankers” and the awkward instrumental “Ernest Borgnine Reprise”.   It is baffling and a credit to the talent here how “Protect and Serve” in an instant goes from upbeat show tune to shouting over keyboard tinkering yet the context still makes perfect sense.    While it can be unsettling listening, those seeking out music of a more bizarre nature and those who delight in watching the antics of bag ladies should be magnetically pulled towards “Bowling For Appliances”.

3.5/5

Thursday, January 19, 2012

UIGG - To Punish and Enslave


UIGG “To Punish and Enslave”, 2008



A band with an unpronouncable name is always going to have things working against them. Uigg’s logo looks a little like the symbol Prince used during his nameless years.  UIGG’s symetrical logo can be copied but it’s hard to imagine kids drawing their logo on their schoolbooks and bags.
The band have put their extended artwork and album lyrics on a blog instead of the CD sleeve. Their reasoning was they had too many ideas to fit on paper but this reeks of laziness.  The band is shitting on the people who actually buy CD’s that can’t be bothered with the net.   Believe me, these people do exist, even though they likely won’t read this review.  The sleeve is devoted to thanklists.  Among the list of names each band member separately thanks are members of the band and their cat.  It would have made more sense to put the thanklist where it can be edited as more names come to mind and have the lyrics in a portable format.
 
On their myspace site, Uigg  put themselves in the death, black and thrash metal genres.  The secong song “One Shall Stand, One Shall Fall” has the drummer winning the race to end of the song.  The vocalist and guitarists struggle to catch up and the song suffers as a result. Throughout the album the vocals are either resemble battery acid gargling Danii Filth(mostly with out the little girl shrieks) or  take the Scooby Doo route, which is good when the band slow down and play to their strengths.  “Sadistic Reprisal” demonstrates this bands potentential when they do realize the limits of their capabilities.  In the one song the band combine traditional, death and black metal together and there is an annoying moment where the blastbeat button has been accidentally pressed.  “Carthasis” and “Slamhog” take the death metal tardis back to 80’s thrash but the desire to do to much on the drummer’s part pours rotten milk into the songs.  The band too often act on their urge to punish the listener into knowing that they can play one more than type of metal and the songs suffer as a result and Uigg sound unsure of their identity rather than  a band capable of getting away with genuine transgenre behaviour.


2/5

The band have released another album since this review was written which can be heard on their facebook site.  What little I've listened to does sound better than this album.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Sonic Negroes/The Hip Priests - Dogfight


SONIC NEGROES/THE HIP PRIESTS - “Dogfight”,2008
(Zodiac Killer)




The term “dogfight” describes a fierce battle between two or more opponents.  In today’s punk ‘n’ roll bout we have two well-matched battlers.  ,In one corner representing Sweden we have the Sonic Negroes and in the other side of the ring we have The Hip Priests from the UK.  The UK representatives start the show off by telling all and sundry “Let’s Get Fucked”.  They receive zero points for subtley but successfully combine the three vital elemements of their chosen musical style into a single frenzied song.  Sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll are the bases covered in the lyrics and the UK contingent assure in one break-neck song that they are a threatening band.   Too many other bands attempt the same themes but sadly struggle to inject even a minimum dose of menace over the course of an entire album.  This is a sleazy band that should be kept a safe distance from your little sister and any other female companions.  Go on, guess, exactly what, “She Loves It” is about?  Too late for the youngest one but a restraining order might not be out of the question.  “Rip Them Off” has a simplistic Ramones chorus but these priests are blessed with an ever present Motorhead bulldozer capable of ripping and shredding the thickest jungles to pieces.

With their chosen name alone, it’s clear that the Swedish crew, Sonic Negroes wear their Norwegian influence on their collective sleeves.  It’d be far too easy to totally write them off as generic Turbonegro clones but lucky for everyone, the songs of the Swedes stack up well on their own accord.  Evident on “Born to Be Gone” is occassional use of express pace piano tinkering ensures any hurled accusations of mere carbon copying are stopped dead in their tracks.  There’s a revved up and modified corpse of MC5 inhabiting, rocking and breathing life into the twenty-first century through the presence of these swedes.

With the referee knocked out by both contestants picking a winner is a difficult feat however the trophy goes to the finishers Sonic Negroes largely due to better production which lead to a clearer vocal and overall sound.   In comparison, the Hip Priests’ vocals sounded buried in the background over their primal garage rock.

 Disclaimer:  This “Dogfight” was legally organized for disturbing the peace with the volume turned up above maximum.  No animals were hurt in the writing of this review.

3.5/5

Hip Priests facebook page

Sonic Negroes facebook page

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Tribulation - The Horror

TRIBULATION “The Horror”, 2008
(Pulverised)

The Horror *

Fast, furious completed with vocals that sound like a zombie with a hole in the trachea.  Swedish death metallers Tribulation fit all of those descriptions.  A feeling of downright eerieness is orchestrated here due to the occassional slow build up in both the short album intro to a track before severe death thrash pummeling.  The background scream in the middle of “Beyond The Horror” before the band slow down and the keyboard outro of the blackened thrash of  “The Vampyre” made the hair on the nape of my neck stand upright.  The tight as hell thrashing is reminiscent of the likes of early Kreator and Slayer with tasty lead guitar and rapid thumping double bass.    “Seduced by the Smell of Rotten Flesh” best demonstates the band’s precision skill at quick as hell changes. The tempo sometimes unnoticeably slows down before hurtling the listener back into a frenzy of neck-snapping bliss.

Apparently there was a previous release by this band eight years.  This leads to the conclusion that Tribulation have obviouly spent some worthwhile time honing their craft and come up with an album that beats the listener into submission much like being on the wrong end of a lead pipe over the head.

4/5


Beastwars - IV

After over a year off for various reasons, we have returned solely because we wanted to review the new Beastwars album. I really w...